Walk of Shame. In a state park.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
