I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
