i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
