Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.�
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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