Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Randomize
