you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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