"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
