I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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