She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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