Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
