Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
