My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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