His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
