we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
