Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
