I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
