Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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