if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
