My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
