last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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