she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
