It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
