I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
foreskin is a definite game changer
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
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