Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
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