tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
