Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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