someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize
