I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
