Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
