I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
