I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
