THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
