That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished�
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
