Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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