Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
