It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
