its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
