I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
