If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
