When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Randomize
