he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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