I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Randomize
