If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
You pole danced in your parka.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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