Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
