I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I'm just crazy horny about you
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
