just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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