my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Randomize
