i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
