I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
It's official drugs can't kill me
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
