um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
